With this Saturday's new moon and Mercury recently going retrograde, I took the time to look back on the past year and take account of what I have learned, and what I still need to learn. A lot has happened in 2015: I lost three aunts, I almost lost my own life in a car accident, I became pregnant with my first child, and before all these other events took place....I dropped everything for a month to go to Queensland, Australia. This was huge for me. Not just because of the incredible distance and planning involved, but because I am a control freak. It's no small feat to simply put my life on hold for a month and go live on the other side of the globe. Especially when my "day job" is managing someone else's business and sometimes, his personal affairs as well. I had to mentally prepare myself for surrendering to the uncertainty of what might happen while I was gone, as well as what might happen to me in Australia. Would my cat and pythons be ok? Would my boss have a meltdown? Would my best friend be able to put up with her overly demanding boyfriend without me around to confide in? Would I still have my other part time job when I got back? Would I end up eaten by giant bugs or carried away by a riptide? These were my worries in the days leading up to my departure.As it turns out, I did get carried away (briefly!) by a riptide, but everything else on both sides of the globe turned out just fine. I came back to my life in the States as if I'd never left. This was a humbling experience. It taught me that I'm not as important as I think I am. It also was a great example of the difference between responsibilities and concerns. Responsibilities being the things I can and should manage, and concerns being needless worries that take up my energy, but are out of my control. I feel this was the most valuable experience I had in 2015. During my time of introspection, I wrote some poems about that trip, that will probably be published in my next chapbook. For now though, I'd like to share them here first:
ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE
Cement houses, bleached by endless tropical sun
Tucked into the hillside, below them lay
The hungry waves of a turquoise ocean
Equally reckless and nurturing
They live perpetually at its mercy
Like a child with a bipolar parent
Birds brighter than flowers sit in trees and sing
Songs I could never dream of, in a foreign parrot tongue
Dropping feathers, small candy colored treasures
The natives now take for granted
Barely blinking as the tiny gifts
Flutter to their feet, unreceived
This is not the Purgatorio of Dante’s Comedia
Though for me, it leaves me tight with that same angst
Another day in paradise is a month in purgatory
My person removed to some otherwhere
Only to discover, in relief and dismay
That my life goes on without me
SUNSHINE BEACH, AUSTRALIA, FEBRUARY 2015
Floating in her perfect greens and blues
No moment ever felt more peaceful
Cradled by saltwater, I could happily disintegrate
Leaving only my fingernails behind
Buried in sand, as my flesh becomes seafoam
The ocean moves, a graceful, forceful shift
I am helpless, I surrender to her movement
The sun and moon orchestrate our rhythms
I forget I am human, fully aware of all that surrounds me
I remember I am something else’s design
Blessings, Memphis
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